Verizon Fires 13,000. (Guess the comms staff left first.)

🫏A Hack Mule Corporate Translation

Verizon announced today that it is laying off 13,000 employees — about 13% of its workforce — in a massive reorganization. The layoff will hit non-union management hard, with about 20% of that group facing the axe.

The company also intends to convert 179 corporate-owned retail stores into franchise stores, according to CNBC.

So, why is Verizon doing this? You’d be hard-pressed to tell by reading the company’s media statements. CNBC quoted a Verizon spokesman saying it is “an opportunity for Verizon to reset, restructure, and realign our priorities on ways that will help us regard our leadership as a communications provider.”

What does that mean? Nothing. It’s corporate hokum masquerading as thought leadership.

The Verge published the letter Verizon CEO Dan Schulman sent to employees today.

Let’s parse it line by line to see what Verizon is up to:

Team

Uh-oh, bad start. No salutation, just “Team.” Not really a “team” thing, Dan, when you’re dumping 13% of the players. Next time try, “Dear Survivors…”

Thank you for the many messages you’ve shared about the work we need to do to strengthen our company. I appreciate your ideas and candor. The pride you have for the role that Verizon plays in people’s lives is abundantly clear, as is your desire for us to lead the industry.

I’d translate that as, “Please stop pelting me with marshmallows, people. Your pride in Verizon is adorable. Unfortunately, well, keep reading…”

As I shared at our most recent all-employee meeting…

Translation: “Hope you all read the tea leaves…”

[W]e need to change and evolve as a company to meet the needs of our customers and expand our market leadership.

In other words: “I’m about to discuss something that is about employees, but I’m going to couch it as a customer-and-market thing.”

Our current cost structure limits our ability to invest significantly in our customer value proposition. We must reorient our entire company around delivering for and delighting our customers.

Sounds like Dan cracked open an MBA textbook and found: “cost-structure limits,” “customer value proposition,” and “reorient our entire company around delivering” in the index.

“Delighting” was a nice touch. Dan must be looking for a strategic partnership with Apple — they love “delighting” customers. Apple said “delight” or “delightful” about 10 times during WWDC last July. I’m surprised they haven’t tried to copyright it.

It is exciting, though. I’ve been a Verizon customer for 30 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever been “delighted.”

As a customer-first culture, we have to align our teams and resources to create new value for customers and build a faster, stronger and more proactive Verizon. To do that, we must simplify our operations to address the complexity and friction that slow us down and frustrate our customers.

Buckle up, because Dan says Verizon is a “customer-first culture.” Not an “employee-first” culture or even an “employee friendly one.” In fact, all those pesky employees are just “complexity and friction that slow us down and frustrate our customers.”

His strategy is noteworthy. To provide better service, he’s going to reduce the number of people who provide services. Hmm…sounds like one of those remedial classes where kids are supposed to “catch up” by going much slower than the other classes.

Today, we will begin reducing our workforce by more than 13,000 employees across the organization, and significantly reduce our outsourced and other outside labor expenses.

Two messages here: “We will begin reducing…” means this is not the end. And “significantly reduce our outsourced and other outside labor expenses” means they’re abolishing functions.

We deeply value their contributions and are committed to providing comprehensive resources to support our employees throughout this transition. Every part of the company will experience some level of change, and we will have conversations with every affected employee to ensure they are treated with the utmost respect and care.

Note the shift here: Those who are departing are no longer “the team.” It’s a little muddled, though, because he creates distance with “they,” but in the same sentence refers to “our employees.”

Same thing in the next sentence where “we” will have conversation with “every affected employee.” He keeps conflating groups as a way to soften the blow. It’s clumsy.

“Treated with the utmost respect and care.” Funny — that’s exactly what the undertaker told us when we dropped off Grandma.

Changes in technology and in the economy are impacting the workforce across all industries. We see it in our families and within our communities.

A “things are tough all over” sop.

The bit about “we see it in our families and within our communities” is just plain weird to bring up — like it’s Verizon’s new ‘Friends and Family Plan.’”

To help our people prepare for their future, we have established a $20 million Reskilling and Career Transition Fund for employees departing Verizon. This fund will focus on skill development, digital training and job placement to help our people take their next steps. Verizon is the first company to set up a fund to specifically focus on the opportunities and necessary skill sets as we enter the age of AI.

So much to unpack here. First, he mentions $20 million to support the “transition fund” for 13,000 people — that’s about $1,500 a head. How quaint. Better than a $100 Uber credit, but not by much.

Again, he is playing with nouns: “Our people,” “employees departing Verizon,” “our people” (again), and “we enter.” Reading this carefully one might wonder whether he intends the “reskilling” for Verizon’s remaining employees or the people who are departing.

Then he makes a humble brag: “Verizon is the first company to set up a fund…” Is he bragging that Verizon failed first?

And, Verizon is entering “the Age of AI™.” At least the Age of Aquarius got a catchy song.

It is my intent to also work with other companies and the public sector to address the opportunities and challenges in a world where technology will impact all of us.

A-ha! Dan mentions a positive, future-focused step, and he uses “my intent.” That’s the first time he has expressed any accountability in this letter.

Change is necessary, but it can be difficult—especially when it affects valued teammates. It’s important that we direct our energy and resources to set Verizon on a path to success. The actions we’re taking are designed to make us faster and more focused, positioning our company to deliver for our customers while continuing to capture new growth opportunities. Being a customer-first, cost-conscious culture will be a way of life for us. And each of us is responsible for living up to that commitment.

Oh, c’mon now, Dan. “Change is necessary..?” Did you pick that up from the Big Book of Corporate Tropes?

“Valued teammates?” Not so “valued” you plan to keep them, eh, Dan?

But “each of us is responsible,” so don’t keep blaming poor Dan.

In the coming weeks, your leaders will share new organizational structures and priorities that align with our direction as a company. As we make these changes, we must work together to ensure we end the year strong, with a running start to 2026. The fourth quarter is an extremely important one for us, so I appreciate everyone bearing down to make it a great one, even in the face of change.

“Your leaders?” That’s fascinating. Dan, buddy, blink twice if you’re still CEO. We can send in an extraction team from McKinsey — just write “realignment” on the whiteboard behind you.

This would have been a good opportunity for him to take the lead by saying that he would be communicating the new direction, but he doesn’t — he shifts the onus downward.

“We must work together to ensure we end the year strong…” Must we?

“Bearing down…” I cannot think of a worse turn of phrase. What’s Dan birthing here? Will it be covered under COBRA?

“Make it a great one, even in the face of change.” Aren’t these changes a good thing, Dan? I’m so confused.

Our future will be defined by how we lead from here — with clarity, focus and a shared vision to win in the market and deliver meaningfully for our customers, shareholders and each other. To those colleagues who will be leaving, thank you for your many contributions. To those continuing with us, I appreciate your continued commitment as we build a stronger Verizon together.

Lots of responsibility shifting around in this wrap-up. “How we lead” — I guess he’s referring to “your leaders.”

“Thank you for your many contributions…” I guess I wouldn’t have buried this deep in the last paragraph. It would have been nice way up at the beginning where Dan should have expressed sadness and paid tribute to the departing employees.

“To those continuing with us…” I’m betting someone drafted this on a plane, because it sounds exactly like when the flight attendant says, “Thank you for flying with us to Dallas. To those continuing with us to Los Angeles, we’ll be taking off again in 30 minutes.”

Dan

No “best wishes” or even “thanks.” Just “Dan.” It’s cold, Dan. Lean on your marketing: “Can you hear me now? Dan.”