Welcome to Hack Mule Notebook #15. What a week! Meetings and events every day and three projects dropped into my laptop unexpectedly. That’s what makes consulting fun!
It was so busy that I realized I neglected to respond to the comments on last week’s edition—and just after I was urging everyone to comment! My apologies. Please keep the comments coming. Special thanks to those of you who post in the comments—I’d love to see some conversations unfolding.
So, these are some of the notes I took this week. Enjoy!
Elevator Follies
I got on the elevator here at the Leviathan and came upon an elderly couple chatting. The gentleman was fiddling with his hearing aid as his wife kept talking.
Her: Did you hear me?
Him: Yes! Stan’s a mensch.
Her: No! I said, “Stan has dementia!”
Him: I don’t care! He’s still a mensch!
Hack Mule agrees. Whoever he is, Stan’s a mensch.
Ear to the Ground
I was at the hair salon the other day listening to another client regaling her stylist about her every thought. (It’s not eavesdropping if she’s speaking so loudly that her voice carries over the sound of several blow-dryers.)
I learned that she was “heartened and dismayed” by the election, outraged by a recent dues increase at Kenwood Country Club, despairing about the future of Friendship Heights, and bored with Netflix.
But mainly, she was distracted. Next week she has to endure “earlobe surgery.” She explained that she started getting infections, which, her doctor told her, are caused by her earrings tearing her earlobes apart.
“The doctor said that can happen after a few years with pierced ears,” she said. “But it really hasn’t been that long ago.”
“When did you get them pierced?”
“Well, my mother took me to the dermatologist to have him pierce them when I was 13,” she said. “So that would have been 1961.”
“I’d say after 65 years you got your money’s worth,” the stylist said.
“It’s lucky, because the dermatologist died years ago,” she said. “But now the plastic surgeon is fixing them, and I’ll be in the hospital for two nights.”
(My thought bubble was filled with, “Two nights in the hospital? Earlobe surgery my ass! She’s having a facelift.”)
The stylist said, “I guess I’d switch to clip-ons or just skip earrings.”
The Lobe Lady sniffed, “I’m not that kind of person.”
Tutorial
Liberating Land Lines and Making Them Free
A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I recently moved my landlines from Verizon, where they cost about $60/month, to Google Voice, where they are free. Several readers have asked for a tutorial on how to do this, so here’s a quick explainer:
Google Voice is a free service available through any Google account. Calls ring on your cellphone and computer, and Google includes voicemail, texting, and other services. You can use a Google-assigned phone number or “port” a number to the service for a one-time $20 fee.
If you’re bringing a mobile number to Google, it’s an easy switch—go into Google Voice’s settings, click “Port a number,” and enter your mobile number. It will check whether your number is eligible, then ask for a porting code that you’ll need to get from your cell company. Within a day or so, you’ll be all set.
But if you want to port a landline, you have to convert it to a mobile number first to make it eligible for Google Voice. I grabbed an old phone and connected it to Tello, a discount cell company, then I ported the landlines (one by one) to the Tello account.
After a few days on Tello, Google recognized the lines as “mobile lines,” and I was able to port them to Google Voice. But be careful: Do not cancel your mobile line service until you’ve confirmed that everything is working on Google.
Once they were safely parked at Google Voice, I canceled the Tello service. Total cost per line: $18 for a month of Tello service and a $20 porting charge for Google Voice. I recouped everything in two months.
It’s a great way to maintain old landline numbers where you get occasional “real” calls and lots of telemarketers.
And a tip: If you’re moving a landline that you share with your spouse or others, create a new Google account that you can all share. That way, the calls can ring on everyone’s phone. (Or you can just turn the ringer off.)
Listening
“Accidents Will Happen,” Elvis Costello. Heard during physical therapy for my arm.
“This Is the Day,” The The. Driving home from an election-night victory party.
“Parade of Loons,” Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Heard this new—but unmistakably Petty—song while searching for parking in Chevy Chase.
“Island Girl,” Elton John. Outside O’Donnell’s Market, Potomac.
“Simurgh,” Rodrigo & Gabriela and Marty Friedman. Surprised to hear this rather mellow piece from Megadeth guitarist Friedman (whose little sister was an elementary-school classmate of mine).
“You Can’t Get What You Want (Till You Know What You Want),” Joe Jackson. Cruising the salad bar at Whole Foods.
“Come Along,” Cosmo Sheldrake. Love hearing about Heffalumps while I read.
Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple Music
Milestones
Still Missing: Amelia Earhart. Hack Mule can confirm this week that many people continue to believe that the famed aviatrix may be dead. Now 129 years old, Earhart disappeared in 1937 during her historic flight around the globe. (Well, partway around.) Last week we reported the theory that she may have fallen victim to Nikumaroro Island’s massive, carcass-eating coconut crabs. This week, we can report that experts at Popular Mechanics, which has followed the case since 1937, are suggesting that the opposite may be true—they claim she may have eaten one of the crabs and died from food poisoning. We’ll stay on the case.
Recognized: Collins English Dictionary announced this week that it has selected “mogging” as Word of the Year. Hack Mule has trouble typing “mogging”—not for philosophical reasons, but because auto-correct keeps trying to make it “logging”—but we were fascinated to learn that it is a synonym of “outshining.” We were tempted to use it in a business proposal the other day, bragging that we would help our prospective client mog the competition. Maybe next year.
Decided: Duck off. Washington, D.C., voters approved Initiative 86, a proposal that would ban foie gras by July 1. Animal-rights advocates claim that force-feeding the animals to make foie gras is unethical. Hack Mule wonders: Are they really force-feeding them, or are the ducks merely flying through the marijuana cloud that hangs over the city and getting the munchies?
Recollections May Vary, Part 3
The Thomas Markle child-sex crimes case took some dramatic turns this week—and a few notable messaging shifts.
On Friday, the FBI arrested Markle after finding two storage units in Los Angeles supposedly filled with incriminating photos and other material. That comes after Mexican police took possession of his former storage unit near Baja, and Philippine police in Cebu investigated boxes of material reported by Thomas Markle Jr.
Hack Mule wonders: Who has that many units? In three countries, no less. And he’s had several of them for almost 20 years. Has he not read Marie Kondo? (On second thought, that may not apply here.)
Meanwhile, cable actor-vist Meghan has wisely canceled an appearance before the European Parliament, where she and her husband, the de-royaled Prince Harry, were scheduled to address a special session about online child safety.
Awk-ward.
Harry will apparently appear without her. That should be…heavily scripted.
I’m seeing an interesting trend in the media, too. Multiple stories over the past week have attempted to link Markle’s case to Jeffrey Epstein by quoting attorney Spencer Kuvin, who once represented Epstein victims, about Markle’s possible strategies.
It’s a telling connection: Bring Epstein into the story, and it instantly links former Prince Andrew and the Royal Family to the scandal.
Other stories are going for an even more direct connection, asking whether King Charles and Prince William knew about the 2019 allegations about Markle—and, if so, why they didn’t demand an investigation.
This could be a devastating development for the British royals if commentators can demonstrate a pattern of ignoring crime. They may not be able to continue with “never complain, never explain.”
My but you've been busy. But you still managed to bring us some humorous interactions. I've always wondered, just what is a mensch? I've got an idea from context but sometimes context can fool you.
Good luck with your new consulting jobs.